flowers behind the shed
by stillinlovewithjudas
Summary: A sequel to "We are Cook and Effy." Takes place about two years later. IMPORTANT: Definitely not Ceffy fluff and happily ever after. Cook and Effy's version of a happy ending.


They decide to name her Violet.

Violet, for the tiny flowers that used to bloom behind Freddie's shed.

Violet Anthony Cook.

Her Violet, _their _Violet.

Cook has tears in his eyes that he immediately wipes away while muttering something about how beautiful she is.

She's more than beautiful, she's perfect in every way possible.

Effy had never felt genuine fear until she cradled that whimpering bundle of life in her arms.

She doesn't know how to be a mother, and it's obvious that Cook doesn't know how to be a father.

Her heart swells up in a way that she didn't know was possible.

"Shit, she has Cook's eyes. Poor thing." Tony laughs as he nudges Cook in the side.

"Don't swear in front of her, wanker." Effy scolds her brother and pulls Violet closer to her body. How can she love someone this much? As she stares into her child's pale blue eyes, she realizes she used to ask herself the same thing about James Cook.

_About a year after Freddie died, depression hit again. Effy started to blame herself constantly for his death. In fact, she blamed herself for anything that went wrong in her life. She pushed Cook away with everything she had. _

_"I'll destroy you, you'll see." She would mutter as another beer bottle went flying across the room. _

_She swore she would make his life a living hell, and for a few months she did. Any drugs in the apartment were gone within days. _

_Effy was numb most of the time and she preferred it that way._

_"Not going anywhere, Eff."_

_He let her spiral out of control in front of him all he could see was beauty, the beauty in her self destruction. _

_The pictures of Freddie didn't help. They just reminded him of the guy he'd never be. They reminded him of his best friend who he would never see again._

_So he tore them down. One day he'd just had enough and ripped them all off the walls. _

_Effy came home from a night of drinking with Cassie Ainsworth and threw a fit. Freddie had disappeared from her life again. She thought she might lose it completely._

_"I don't fucking need you." Tears were pouring from her eyes as a lamp went crashing to the ground. "I have never fucking needed you, just leave."_

_She had pushed him to the breaking point. He had no idea how one person was capable of causing him so much pain and pleasure at the same time. _

_His apartment looked as though a tornado had hit. Glass was everywhere, furniture was flipped over, clothes covered the floor. _

_"You're right. You don't need me." He said as he walked towards her. "But I need you, Eff. I have always fucking needed you." _

_Cook moved his hand to her face and leaned in to kiss her. As their lips pressed together, he felt a smack against his cheek. _

_"I hate you." She whispered with tears in her eyes._

_He shook his head as he kissed her again, roughly this time. _

_He was holding on as tightly as he could. She fucked up his life in every way she could, but she was Elizabeth Stonem and he wasn't ready to lose her yet._

_They broke apart again and he waited for her reaction._

_Her silence killed him._

_Before he knew what was happening she was ripping off his shirt and dragging him into the bedroom. _

_Cook realized then and there that maybe all she wanted was for him to prove he wouldn't leave her, no matter how hard she pushed him._

_They didn't make it to the bed. _

_Lying on the hardwood floor of his bedroom, she straddled his lap and tipped her head back as she moved up and down on him. Cook coughed out a loud groan as he gripped Effy's hips tighter. _

_The dysfunction was hard. He knew that. The dysfunction was what made them Cook and Effy. Nothing she could ever do would be enough for him to leave her by herself. _

_He couldn't imagine loving anyone else. _

_Effy rolled over, pulling him on top of her. She liked the loss of control she felt as he pinned her arms down and continued to thrust into her aggressively. _

_They were a mess of panting, moaning, clawing, until Cook collapsed on the floor and they both struggled to catch their breath._

_"I need you." She mumbled into his ear and curled tightly into the crook of his arm._

_"I know."_

Anthea painted the bedroom a pale lilac purple, because all of the violet color pallets were too dramatic.

Effy hides her smile as she enters slowly, with Violet wrapped up in her arms.

The room looks perfect. It's everything she imagined it would be.

But she would never tell her mom that.

"I put Pato in her crib, I hope you don't mind. I thought she could have a piece of you while she sleeps."

Effy hasn't needed Pato for a least a year, not when she has Cook sleeping beside her.

"I think that's a great idea." Effy says softly to her mother and sets Violet in the crib.

Tony stands in the doorway with an obnoxious grin on his face and Effy narrows her eyes before her mouth has a chance to grin back.

"You're next." She warns, moving Pato closer to Violet's grasp.

"Actually," Tony corrects, walking up behind her, "I think I was supposed to be first."

_They were never very careful, she and Cook._

_They liked everything spontaneous and out of control._

_He'd throw her over his shoulder in a pub and carry her out into the alley where her back would slam into a brick wall, while Cook shoved and tore at her clothes._

_She always wanted more._

_More pain equalled more pleasure._

_She would scream for him to move harder, and faster inside of her, until her legs would go numb and they'd collapse into each other. _

_Everything happened so fast._

_When the test came back positive, Effy thought her world was falling apart._

_He begged her to keep it, claiming that even if she didn't want him, she'd want the baby when it was born. _

_All she could think about was death._

_She wanted it gone. _

_This thing, inhabiting her body. It had no right to be there._

_"Eff, please. Don't do this."_

_She sat trembling against their refrigerator, holding her knees up to her chin._

_Even if she had it, she and Cook would destroy it._

_They would take the precious life that they had created, and turn it into a nightmare._

_But if she kills it, all she'd be doing is killing another being with access to her heart._

They don't see many of their friends anymore, but Effy figures it's for the best.

She used to live a toxic lifestyle.

Maybe she's finally growing up.

Sometimes she wishes she was stable.

She wishes she could have a relationship with someone without finding every reason to hate them.

But she doesn't hate Cook, at least not in the angry way.

She hates how much of herself she invests in him.

She hates that even when she's angry and shattering the porcelain dishes in their cupboard, he'll take her in his arms and silently hold her.

Effy doesn't like to speak in those moments, she knows she'll say something hurtful that she doesn't mean, and won't apologize for it later.

He knows it too, which is why he never forces her to tell him what's wrong.

She hates that sometimes she knows she's making him absolutely miserable, but he won't fucking leave.

It's always been like that.

Even when Freddie was alive.

Cook never fucking left.


End file.
